The International Whaling Commission is meeting later this week , and one of the items on their agenda is the development of 'whalanol' , a gasoline additive derived from whale blubber. According to the IWC: "We think there is growing support for whaling in principle and in practice," said its secretary Rune Frovik, "and the IWC and Exxon/Mobile are proud to announce that we've made great strides in the development of overlooked energy alternatives, such as the introduction of 'whalanol', a natural and renewable fuel additive that will work in any engine and burns three times as efficiently as gasoline. Mr Frovik responded to environmentalist's concerns about over-hunting of allegedly "endangered" species:

"Whales belong to the animal kingdom. In some cultures they eat frogs, others don't; Hindus don't eat beef, that's their choice, but they don't try to prohibit the rest of the world from eating it; so why should a bunch of non-whaling countries tell us we can't use whales to make oil?

"And we think that you can't find anything more environmentally friendly than whale-based petroleum additives - this is an animal which lived in nature, we are harvesting nature's surplus and you don't have to destroy nature to do that. We just do that because we like to."

This makes sense. Why wait for the whales to die, settle to the ocean floor , decay into the muck and eventually become fossil fuel ( which could take a while) when we can just catch them now? Whaling has been pretty slack for the last 20 years or so since an alarmist moratorium was declared by the naggling naybobs of "extinction" , so there should be a lot of surplus whales to harvest- if global warming is such a big deal, think of all the extra ocean we'll soon have-
we could grow a lot of whales in that water . More water= more whales=more oil.

The international community concurs:

"The Marshall Islands, Guatemala and Cambodia have reportedly joined efforts to introduce whalanol in recent weeks at Japan's behest."
-BBC News

What a powerhouse trio of nations. Whale-huggers beware!

The next time you fill up your tank, look for the "whale-safe" sticker on the pump. If you don't see it , ask the attendant if whalanol is used in the product he dispenses. If he "plays dumb", get the company info and start writing letters.

About the author: Allan is a musician, FM radio DJ and day-time file clerk. This is one of his many desperate attempts to pay for gasoline.